Week Eleven Results

Thought I'd drop an update on you foos before I drop some math on some foo:

Having been elimatined from playoff contention last week, we asked our white brothers to take the field and play for pride this week. Always a mistake. We finally had what you'd call a bad week from Manning. I've been pondering a switch to Brady for a couple weeks now. It would have been better, as he had 16 points, but not much better. The true surprise was that we should have played Favre. Good old Mister Never Gets Picked Off. He had a solid 21 points. This means that this week was the first time something happened all season. But what?? I'll make you wait to find out.

Big day from Brian Leonard. I think 36 yards was his rushing high for the season. Less big from Packer John Kuhn. At least his name sounds really white. Some of you may recall that at one time we had a fullback named Madison Hedgecock on the team. He plays for the Giants. I use "plays" in the metaphorical sense. Well jokes on us. He had a TD in Sunday's win over the Falcons.

I'm going to call our receiving a massive victory this week. We had three receivers contribute one or more points. Welka was big, putting up 20 points without scoring a TD. Go Jets defense. Eight points from random white Packer was good too. I'd say more but I have no clue who he is. Collie only had one point, but with Manning having a bad day that is to be expected.

Crosby puts up 12. Pretty solid for a kicker. Too bad the defense let us down again. I don't know, if I was a Packer fan I'd be troubled by how inconsistent my defense is. Good thing I'm not. Speaking of troubled fans, how about those Lions? They never say die.

Now the moment of truth. Was 63 enough to win and get us over .300? No, it was not. Our opponent has Drew Brees, Jones-Drew, and the Vikings defense. Far too much for us to overcome. He only ended up with 71, though, so we were in range. We just needed Welker to have 100 more yards. So what's the magical thing that has happened for the first time all year? Well, if we had played Favre, we would have won. This marks the first time that we could have turned defeat into victory had we played a different lineup. That makes us 10-1 in some type of scoring system that is not the one we are using which has us in 9th place out of 10.

Week Ten Results

Well, at least we were a bit more respectable this week. But alas, we still lost. Actually, until Sunday night this looked like it was going to be another no show for us. If you take out our Patriots and Colts, we had 26 going into Sunday night. Not very good.

The big decision this week was at QB. Brady has been coming on as of late. Not only that, but Brady and Manning were going head to head. So we (I) did the smart thing. Remain paralyzed by this decision and do nothing. Turns out it was completely irrelevant as both had 25 points. Favre only had 17, so we came out with max points here. That guy Favre, he's having a good year.

Runningback supplied our reliable two points. Brian Leonard appears to be more of a receiving threat than a running one. Go figure. Other guy is no threat to anyone or anything.

Stupid receivers. If we could just get something here we could maybe win some weeks. Yet again we get nothing from one guy and we get no TDs. I don't understand why runningbacks always go first in drafts. Receivers are so reliable.

We also continue to strike out with our tight ends. I think we've played four different tight ends this year. I don't think we've had one good showing. It's always something like Witten had this week. 40 yards, no TDs, 4 points.

Just so everyone knows, and by everyone I mean the millions who read this, we didn't have the 49ers defense before this week began, so there was no real thought of putting them in. I know I said we should consider dumping the Packers D, but that would require effort. Victor has clearly checked out, and I've been demoralized by our pathetic showings of late, so there was no effort put forth. Good thing too, since the Packers basically shut down the Cowboys. See, my life-strategy of do nothing and decide nothing works again. Good showing from our defense and our QB.

Sadly, our opponent had 76 points. He actually had a shitty week for the most part, but LaDanian Tomlinson decided to uncorpse himself and Reggie Bush decided to unsuck himself. He got 21 from each of those guys. We would have beaten two teams this week, so at least we're back to that level of moral victory instead of the last two weeks where we would need to double our score to beat anyone. Unfortunately we are now in sole possession of 8th place and we are 4 (really 5 because of tie breaker) games out of the last playoff spot. That's good with three games left, right?

Week Nine Results

They were shitty. I'll elaborate tonight.

Another week of being not even close to winning. It's also going to be boring to recap. Mostly everyone was average, and when you're white that's not good enough. Manning finally had what we'd call a bad game for him. Still put up 14 though, so can't really complain that much.

Runningbacks did what they usually do.

Receivers were junk, as always. It seems like not too long ago that every team had the token go-to white receiver. Stupid not being as fast, as tall, or as jumpable.

Tight end. Whatever.

Crosby made his kicks, but they were all extra points, so not much there.

Good showing by the Packers defense. Tampa Bay is an offensive powerhouse. Holding them to 38 is pretty good. We may have to revisit our defense going into next week. This is two terrible weeks in a row. Sucking against against the Vikings is one thing. But if the only team you can dominate is the Browns, we have a problem.

Our opponent had 95. Good work, opponent. Next lowest was 56. We suck. Somehow we are miraculously still tied for 6th, which puts us at 8th since we lose all tiebreakers. We are now three games out of the last playoff spot, which really is four since we own no tiebreakers. We would need an inspired run to have any chance. God I hate white people. In other news, check out Victor's new movie, Ninja Assassin, opening on November 25th and check out the other work he's done under his stage name.

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Jon likes men. Yankees bought the championship.

Week Nine Preview

Here's a quick little preview. There's not too much happening that's interesting this week, so it'll be kinda sort.

Manning is in at QB. He's been too good all season long to swap out now.

Random white guys at runningback again. Does it really matter who?

The big news this week is that it appears we may have three receivers actually play. Wes Welka is back from his bye, Austin Collie has become a key part of the Colt's offense (pretend that's true), and if Anquan Boldin sits out, Jerheme Urban should step in as the number three receiver for the Cardinals. He was in that position in week one and had 74 yards receiving.

Tight end will be Witten. This is mostly because when Victor revamped the roster last week, he was the only tight end left.

And we've got the Packers defense and kicker, as usual. They play Tampa Bay this week, so it should be a Browns-esque scoring output for us there.

We play the number two team in the league this week. He's had some low scores, but his last three scores have all been over 110. A good sign for us. Vcitor told me he'd update later to mock everything I've said. Let's see if he keeps his word.

Week Eight Results

Well, I can never let Victor run things again.

It's obviously his fault we only scored 30. But I'm not going to be too hard on him for two reasons. One, he's Asian, so he's not good at sports unless there's a ping pong paddle involved. Two, he's a Packers fan and his methaphorical estranged father just came home to rape and beat him and steal his girlfriend and all his money. So as tempting as it is to rub that in, it turns out I have enough of a soul to cut him some slack.

More on that later. First let's get to our pathetic results. Manning did pretty well considering he had no TDs. But this is the first week all year where Manning had no TDs. Brady was on a bye, but the QB who shall not be named had four TDs and 25 points. The good news is, we could have played Favre four times over and still lost this week.

Victor's replacement runningback actually worked out pretty well. Two points from John Kuhn almost matches our usual three from Brian Leonard, who was also on a bye. The shocking (in a good way) news is that we got a point from Peyton Hillis.

Once again, we only had two receivers actually do anything. Stokley, for some reason, either didn't see any action or just didn't have any catches. Collie was alright, but with no TDs from Manning he only scored six points. Random Rams receiver was junk, as expected from a Rams player. Witten was meh, as he's been all year. We just can't find a good, reliable tight end. Everyone wants a good tight end.

And then there were the Packers. Mason Crosby did alright, putting up seven points. He missed a long field goal, though. The Packers defense was not very helpful this week. I guess there's a big difference between the Browns and the Vikings. What makes it worse is that they got steamrolled by the QB that shall not be named. That guy's name is Brett Favre. He use to be the QB of the Packers for 16 years. Now he's on the hated rival Vikings. He has now defeated the Packers twice this year. Or, he's metaphorically raped and beaten them while stealing their girlfriend and money. And Victor is a Packers fan. So there that is for those of you that don't know sports (Judy (who may not even read this anyway)).

So how close were we? Let's say that someone came along and gave us 82 free points to go with our 30. Oops, we still lost. This was our worst week by far and the first time we weren't even close to anyone else. The next worse team more than doubled us with 74. But we will all agree to not blame Victor. He's already in danger of /wristing. The only bright spot is some of the right teams lost, so we're still in a tie for 6th and two games behind the 4th and final playoff spot, though we own zero tiebreakers, so we're really three games back. White people suck.